Life’s Barrage

So I had to get a new car. My car was on it’s last legs (wheels) and it was time. Bittersweet because that car was my “dream” car. And I loved it, but it just couldn’t make it anymore. Also, finished another book. Which I realize wouldn’t be a feat of any proportion to most normal people, but to me with my mind being all over the place it was really something that surprised me. I enjoyed it and didn’t want to put it down until it was finished. Which meant I was bleary eyed the next day but feeling happy I stuck with it and was absorbed in it rather than my mind flying all over the place.

Also, took a trip again to the beach alone. Which for someone who fears that sort of thing was a huge deal. It was so peaceful and I didn’t want to leave. And am thinking about going back. It was a long drive there and back (the traffic jam… parking lot on the way back didn’t help) but I feel undaunted by that. I think I’m even going to grab a small breakfast alone and read some of another book before going. These things which most people take for granted are huge hurdles for me. I really feel sometimes I have social anxiety because I get so nervous, like the feeling a lot of people get when they have stage fright or going to get a shot. Even thinking about it right now makes me feel nervous. But I can feel confidence coming in spite of it all. I really am under the belief that if there is something that is difficult for me, I want to try to overcome it. It’s scary and makes me all panic-stricken but it is worth all the trouble in the end because there is freedom. 

All these things are leading up to me traveling alone and hopefully a million more doors opening. There is a trip I’m looking into, it would be working as a volunteer, but I think it would feel that the trip was worth something and also it would be a good way to get my feet wet. These things are things most people conquer in their early 20’s, but I wasted those with other things. It’s never too late right? There is another 5k that I’m interested in coming up after my second one. LOL I’m going to make a career of doing 5k’s. But for me constantly having that goal works for me. Especially right now. The next one is in 2 and a half weeks. I can’t believe it. How does time go by so quickly? And yet so slowly at the same time? It’s that perspective thing rearing it’s ugly head again. 

Anyone up for skydiving?


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