Instead of hiding…

I shall write. Why are the things, experiences, etc in life that give us the most joy are also the ones that give us the most pain?

I know that question is somewhat rhetorical, but it is still a legitimate question. There are times I wish my heart would shut off and I could just go for whatever I want and if it doesn’t happen oh well. This is a really similar post as last week and yet there are no new answers. I do realize though that the more I reach out and talk to people instead of my usual M.O., I don’t feel so alone. So here I am an introvert trying to actually invite people into my life. Usually those people are the very ones that make me feel drained. But as I understand myself more and my introvert tendencies, I know how to ask and receive attention. And then if it gets to be too much I know that I need to take a break. It’s normal. It isn’t anyone’s fault and it’s just the way I was hard wired. I need that moment of rest and peace in order to recharge. And once I have it I can see things more clearly. I took a test and found out I’m 100 percent an introvert. I think I need to retake that. Who on earth is 100 percent anything lol? And if so, omg everything makes so much sense. I even start hating those people I do genuinely love because of the amount of stress and pressure I feel from them. Yes I said hate. They continue to take and take and I feel I never get anything back. But now that I see I’m an introvert, it’s not because they are taking anything from me per se. It’s that I need alone time. I NEED it desperately. And those that are around me are extroverts, they don’t seem to understand that need. They take it personally and get angry at me. But once I have had that time to myself I feel whole again. I feel almost that I don’t need people around me to survive. But then I realize that I would be utterly alone. I have discovered so much about me this last week just from finally recognizing myself as an introvert. It’s amazing how much I didn’t realize about myself. And yet I’m still trying to figure out other people and why they do what they do. … sigh….

It definitely is making me see things in my life more clearly and hopefully with this new found knowledge, I can start to change how I look for work and also why traveling alone freaks me out and yet also I want to do it. As long as we keep searching for answers about ourselves and life, there is always an opportunity for growth. To continually learn and grow is an awesome way to experience life and live it fully.

But as far as pain goes, although it is a way to learn about oneself I would still rather avoid it.. lol. Hmmmm I somehow don’t think that is possible. Oh well, bring it on.

 

If you want to see if you’re an introvert:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html

There are more articles than this, but it really helped me see myself in a new light.

 

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