I’m struggling with a few things right now. One of which is caring too much what others think of me. I find my best decisions are made when I’m not worried about the outcome of what others opinions are. But it feels like a cyclical thing. You write, blog, photograph, create whatever it may be purely for yourself. Your own joy, release of pain, excitement of newfound talent or drive.
And then you get the dreaded compliment…
That first one makes you feel good, a boost in confidence. The desire to continue pursuing this journey you embarked upon. You feel inspired, humbled, excited that someone recognized you, saw something in you and what you were trying to do. It could have even been a simple like, not even a whole written compliment. Not a full verbal decree that you are awesome. Just a little pat on the back. But still it was enough to put a smile on your face.
And then the more you continued on your path the more you noticed those onlookers, those sideline cheerleaders, pushing you onward toward your goal of being on an incredible journey called life. You started to watch for them, not paying attention to the path as much. Not looking where your feet were going and not taking in the experiences all around you.
You no longer were as excited as you once were for the simple moments in life. You weren’t as attuned to the small voice that is in your heart guiding you. You were seeking the affirmations of others. And that light that people were drawn to isn’t shining as brightly as before because it’s slowly dimming as your confidence wanes.
It’s a catch 22 of sorts. On the one hand, you share because you want the comradery, the companionship of other like minded people, or at the very least just to feel recognized. Or maybe that’s not you, you just put yourself out there into the great abyss for the hell of it. Just put yourself out into the public eye for some reason that only remains a secret known only to yourself. Speculation and conjecture gets me into trouble all the time.
Back to my point, 🙂 there is some point where I start to focus on the sidelines and take my sight off the goal lines. I may never reach my ultimate goal, it may change constantly, but I didn’t start this journey for the accolades of others. It was the precise reason that this journey began in the first place, not living my life based upon what others thought of me. Sure, of course I want to connect with others who are also on their paths in life, and if there is some intersecting of our paths and new friendships and connections forged, I gladly welcome it. But the thing that sparked my passions in my heart weren’t looking towards what others thought of me. It was finally turning off that desire and looking inward to what I thought of myself.
I want to go to bed with a peace that knowing my day was lived with passion. I want to wake up looking forward to whatever life has in store. I want to be excited at every new twist and turn. And sure I may get weary, overwhelmed, dismayed, frustrated, stressed, but I want to welcome all of it.
Live every day as if it were my last, every moment to be sipped and savored, longing for the next experience.
Compliment, critique, connect, feel free to share of yourselves …. whoever you are. I look forward to it, I just will keep reminding myself of my path and to open my eyes and heart to whatever is on it and not forget why I started this journey in the first place.
And I will try to get around to sharing my thoughts on my orientation last week. Death is really life changing, life affirming, mind-altering. I just have no idea how to begin writing it all down.
Back to to the land of the living… 🙂