“i am a human being, capable of doing terrible things”

AWOLNATION – Run (Audio): https://youtu.be/mw2kKyJu9gY

Bought a couple albums this week.  Modest Mouse’s newest and Awolnation’s. 

And as with most new albums,  I like one song listen to it somewhat incessantly then gradually give the rest of the album a shot. 

This album is growing on me but I really liked this song…  It’s so true..

We are human beings,  capable of doing terrible things. 

half and half…

image

First day of spring…  Vernal equinox..  Half day half night.  I was thinking around this time last year I was struggling with thoughts of who I was and who I knew I was supposed to be.  And was down to the wire on signing up for a 5k…  It was that life changing moment..  That one that started this past year of my 180 degree turning point.  I don’t regret it at all.  The only thing I regret is taking so long.  But better late than never.  🙂  so now for this year I need to make new goals…  And I still need to sign up for a 5k.

But this year I’ve made so many friends and met so many interesting people.  They share their life stories with me in such profound openness that it overwhelms me that they feel so comfortable with me.  Or maybe it’s that they’re so comfortable with being themselves.  Whatever it is,  I feel blessed. 

I feel halfway to my goals…  Still need to travel overseas…  And see about my master’s degree and possibly moving.  And my goodness….. I need to read more…  And work on learning a new language or at least refreshing my French and then learn to play that damn guitar that is sitting over by  my piano that I don’t play because of crazy neighbors who call the cops…  ok ok I’m going off on a tangent.  Lol

But I’m halfway there I feel on these goals I set for myself.  And as I check them off I feel the confidence I used to have come back. 

Looking forward to a year from now and who I will be then and what else has been checked off my list. 

Here’s to halves!!!  Cheers!!!

11:11, blue doors, woody adventures, familiarity friendships

Yes I went for a weird,  elusive title.  To me it makes perfect sense.  Is it a writer’s responsibility to reveal all the inner workings of a murky nonsensical thought to the reader?  I don’t know if there are rules on such things…  At the end of the day this blog is for me and my online journal.  (almost said diary….  My inner teenage girl trying  to get out)
At this point at night,  I don’t really have a particular thought I want to get out just that I want to document this time in my life and even the random thoughts mean something in this process.
My mind is a mess of randomness.  But I don’t mind.  I’m going to enjoy these moments.  No matter how messed up everything is…  Or how annoying my neighbor’s  music is right now. 
Hold onto every moment.  Pull from it what you need. Let go of the things you normally hold onto.  Learn to be the best version of yourself every day. 
Change is growth.    I don’t want to fear it or avoid it. 
Greatness can happen in any moment.  And it is always relative to whatever you compare it to.  Seeing the bigness in  the smallest moments. 
Learning to not hold onto things in my heart and dwell on them.  That is my homework for tonight…  Looking forward to releasing them. 

What do you need to release that you’re holding onto?

swim with at least one nostril above water…

I think it went something like that.  I don’t want to hash out the ugly details of what is going on right now.  I want this to be a positive place.  But right now I feel a lot of things that I left behind lurking around in the shadows.  Things that I thought were done and this new venture were far away from.  And yet there they are. 
Is there any way to ever get away from those things?  When you finally get one nostril above water….  Why is there always something ready to drag you back down? 

It gets tiring fighting those shadowy things.

Fortune cookie time: Deep faith eliminates fear 🙂

image