It’s coming up on one year since my dad passed away. Even if I don’t want to think about him being gone, it looms around me. I can’t describe it, it’s as if your body knows. It grieves with or without your permission. You may play, laugh, enjoy food and times with friends and family. But this unsaid thing wraps itself around you.
I miss my dad so much it hurts to breathe sometimes. I really haven’t grieved his loss much because I’ve been trying to push through everything. Working in hospice is difficult enough, but everything else that has gone on there has made it even more tiring.
I’ve look at others who have lost a parent, had children , worked full time in hospice and still completed their masters. I’m amazed how they were able to do it. I’m impressed by them.
I’m still trying to figure out my next steps. It’s taking everything to focus on this one class I’m taking. I keep thinking about my dad and how he kept taking classes. He kept his engineering license. It was important to him. Even if it was hard to walk into class. He wouldn’t take his cane with him, probably because of pride. I hope he would be proud of me. He was a wonderful man, my best friend, a great example. I miss you dad.
So after getting back from my Europe trip, I signed up for a grant writing class on the 4th of June. Because the best thing to do after a vacation is signing up for a class.
It may not be towards a Master’s Degree quite yet, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction.
So weird … just read my post from 2 years ago and here I am … volunteer coordinator for hospice giving orientation myself to the new volunteers…. getting ready to take a trip to San Diego. Life is strange .
This has come up twice this week and I’m not sure why. Seems like I created a boundary for myself somehow and I need to break through it.
Strange when the universe speaks to us, like seeing the answer on Jeopardy but not knowing the question. I’m sure that will come as well.
2 years ago I started on this site, didn’t realize it was my anniversary either.
My dad is in hospice… life is strange.
Looking for the question so I know why I have my answer.
First day of spring… Vernal equinox.. Half day half night. I was thinking around this time last year I was struggling with thoughts of who I was and who I knew I was supposed to be. And was down to the wire on signing up for a 5k… It was that life changing moment.. That one that started this past year of my 180 degree turning point. I don’t regret it at all. The only thing I regret is taking so long. But better late than never. 🙂 so now for this year I need to make new goals… And I still need to sign up for a 5k.
But this year I’ve made so many friends and met so many interesting people. They share their life stories with me in such profound openness that it overwhelms me that they feel so comfortable with me. Or maybe it’s that they’re so comfortable with being themselves. Whatever it is, I feel blessed.
I feel halfway to my goals… Still need to travel overseas… And see about my master’s degree and possibly moving. And my goodness….. I need to read more… And work on learning a new language or at least refreshing my French and then learn to play that damn guitar that is sitting over by my piano that I don’t play because of crazy neighbors who call the cops… ok ok I’m going off on a tangent. Lol
But I’m halfway there I feel on these goals I set for myself. And as I check them off I feel the confidence I used to have come back.
Looking forward to a year from now and who I will be then and what else has been checked off my list.
Here’s to halves!!! Cheers!!!